My buddy, Superchunk (AT thruhiker GA > ME '08), sent the following link to me suggesting it for a blog topic. Since I know how much Superchunk digs the North Carolina singer/songwriter Michael Reno I thought I would share this:
As most of you know, I like a tall tale as well as and maybe better than most, but there are some
things that you just can’t make up. For instance, I stopped in a Waffle House, I won’t say where, other than
it wasn’t in North Carolina …well, not in this part of North Carolina .
It was around three in the morning and after the couple with the matching Tim McGraw tee shirts smooching in the first smoking section booth decided that maybe they really would get a room, I was the only customer left in the place. As I drizzled syrup onto my pecan waffle, the waitress leaned against the dish sink and lit a Winston. Her gold name tag was inscribed PEGGI.
As she watched the short order guy scrape Waffle House residue from the grill she softly whistled the opening notes to Folsom Prison Blues.
The cook glanced over his shoulder and asked, “Heard our mama was back in the pokey.”
This stirred the gal from her reverie and she answered, “Yep. And I ain’t paying the five hundred dollars
to get her scrawny butt out this time neither.”
“What she in for this go round?”
“Mooned Spider Webb.”
The fry cook’s spatula stopped in mid scrape. “She mooned a judge?”
“Yep, bent over and dropped her drawers right in the courtroom of His honor, Judge J.M. “Spider” Webb.”
The cook drug a bare forearm across his sweaty forehead and asked, “What was she in court for in the first place?”
“She just busted in on Martha and Donald Pickins’ divorce hearing and marched herself right up there in front of the bench and began to give Judge Webb what for. Turns out Spider had issued a restraining order against
Mama that afternoon. Says Mama can’t go within five hundred feet of Daddy or she goes in the slammer. Mama tells the judge that ain’t gonna do on account of shotgun range is closer to fifty feet and she aims to shoot the old bastard as soon as her check comes in and she can get her a box of .00 buckshot shells. Well, His Honor, Judge Webb, he blurts out, ‘Now, Juanita, don’t you go showing your rear end in my court room.’ So, that’s exactly what she did.
Judge give her six months or five hundred dollars for two counts of contempt of court.”
Peggi blew a perfect smoke ring and mused, “I’m guessing one for each cheek.”
Meantime, my waffle has gotten stone cold from neglect as I’m listening and scribbling notes with a sharpie
on a stack of WH napkins, knowing that I can’t let any of this stuff get away.
The fry cook scrapped the crud from the edge of his spatula and parked it on the sandwich board. “Reckon
she’ll shoot the old man when she gets out?”
Peggi dipped the end of her Winston into the dish water then dropped the butt into the trash can. “I doubt it.
She’s shot at him twice already on two separate occasions and missed him both times.”
“Yeah, but that was with your granddaddy’s old Navy Colt. Hell, I couldn’t hit this grill from right where you’re standing with that relic.”
“Hum, she did say she was switching to a scattergun, didn’t she?” Peggi shook another Winston from its crush proof box and pondered that epiphany for a second or two. “You’re right, Randy, could be a whole different story when they turn her loose in the spring.”
I flipped open my checkbook and circled the date on the calendar, but I’ve never gotten back through there to ask.
See you out there,
Michael Reno’s April Schedule and more…
E-mail email@example.com if you need information on any of these shows
Every Tuesday night 8:30 to 11:30 at The Comet, Charlotte, NC
Bluegrass and more! With Red Rockin’ Chair
April 1 - Rodi, Gastonia , NC – Thursday 8:00 to 10:00pm
April 10 – Music & Mud Festival, Newton , NC – Saturday 10am to 7:00pm
Music and Stories from local folks and the Asheville Storytelling Circle throughout the day.
Michael will be performing in the Newton-Conover Auditorium that evening from 5 to 7:00pm
April 21 - Columbia Public Library, Columbia , MO – Wednesday 7:00pm
April 22 – Bieroc Café, McCook, NE – Thursday show time 7:30pm
April 23 & 24 – Kansas Storytelling Festival, Downs , KS – Friday & Satur
May 1 – UU Coffeehouse, Columbia , SC – Saturday 8:00pm
For more info and reservation call 1-888-849-4224 ext. 4